Friday, May 17, 2013

LAST VEGAS


LAST VEGAS
(Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Kevin Kline, Morgan Freeman)

Recommend: No

I think I am just pissed at this trailer for reminding me how old I am.  When I was a lad, these four guys, (well three of them anyway as Morgan Freeman came later), were young studly hunks banging everything that had a hole in it (especially Michael Douglas) and now I'm watching them make Lipitor jokes and hobble around. Seriously, if you scraped under the foreskin of these aged leathery cocks you'd probably get more pussy residue than from an old rendering plant. But now they are officially old dudes.  Father Time really should get a kick in the balls. He's caught up to everyone of course -- and he will catch up to your fuckin ass too, Channing Tatum! 

And Michael Douglas, this guy must have been a God damned saint in a previous life, first he drops out of a vagina that was married to Kirk Douglas, so he's Hollywood royalty, and he's good-looking, and he's talented, then he becomes a sex addict, which is kinda hard for a non-celebrity male to fall into -- we regular guys can only dream of it, or go broke paying prostitutes. Then he marries Catherine Zeta-Jones, do I need to elaborate on that? Then he gets throat cancer, knocks on Death's door...and Death must have been in the shower or something cause he doesn't answer, and now Michael Douglas is back with this one -- and another one where he plays Liberace that looks way better than this thing whatever it is.  "Hangover" for retirees?  Is that where we are with this one? Fuck sake. And where's Jack Nicholson?

I don't think the parachute is gonna open on this one, and I say we help it die a quick death and NOT go out to see this one.  Stay home...rent Bridesmaids on your Roku box or something.

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