Wednesday, July 4, 2012

DJANGO UNCHAINED









Recommed: Yes, dammit!


     What, are you kidding me?  Guess where most of the blood in my body rushed to upon first viewing of this trailer?  That's right, baby, nothing but straight-up tumescence down there in the groinal area.  No one does cool revenge movies better than Quentin Tarantino, and this one has all the ingredients from the git-go.  Christoph Waltz as a German-born bounty hunter teaming up with a slave to help him put some assholes in the ground?  What's not to like?
     Although I gotta say, if the words "A Brett Ratner Film" had appeared anywhere on this trailer, I would kiss that erection goodbye (ah, were I only that nimble).  This is is the kind of dish for which you better know who the chef is before you sink your teeth into it.  
     Example: if my mother, an awful cook who once served a steak with the paper still attached to the bottom of it, told me she was making a cookie dough omelette...it would be a thousand times "no."  God no.  But if Mario Batali pulls the cover off of the same dish, I'm fuckin' in!  Same thing here.  I think we will be in good hands with this one.
     Nice touch at the end where Jamie Foxx is sitting next to "some guy" at the casino telling him that the "D" is silent in Django....for you non film-geeks that actor is the original Django, Franco Nero.  And he is looking pretty good.  Actually he looks like a mash-up of Oliver Reed and Dos Equis' most Interesting Man in the World.  
     Of course if Oliver Reed was The Most Interesting Man in the World his sign-off would probably be, "I don't always drink beer...sometimes I drink whiskey, scotch, gin, tequila, whatever is around, and sometimes I have to sleep so I can't drink at all."
     Anyway, release date: Christmas.  Perfect.  I don't think our lord and savior would have it any other way.  

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